Windows is garbage but so are the alternatives

I used to be a hardcore Windows fanatic. It was an operating system that made sense, will lots of customization and everything a geeky teenager could possibly want. Even now, the sound of Windows XP turning on brings about a wave of nostalgia (RIP MSN Messenger, AoE and Civ III). While it is possible that my fondness for Windows was born out of necessity, after all my family couldn't afford a Mac, I have recently uncovered quite a bit of resentment and frustration with this operating system. In my search for a better alternative, I realized all the operating systems have something to irritate me.

Windows
Let me explain. I believe that Microsoft grew out of proportion to the point of no longer caring about the user experience. Here is a list of my complaints:

1. Absolutely ridiculous booting time. My phone has basically the same specs as my computer yet it boots in seconds and is always snappy. Why did they need windows to have all these weird processes in the background. It just makes me feel like they are stealing my data by uploading them directly to their databases. 
2. Background processes. Seriously, I know I already mentioned it but it is getting excessive. It is not normal to have 100% of your disk and 100% of your CPU utilized when NOTHING is opened. I am aware there are ways to fix it (by disabling a bunch of processes using CMD) but I shouldn't have to do this! 
3. We have one control panel yes, but what about a second control panel? Seriously why did they leave two absolutely different 'settings'. The worst part is that adjusting the settings in one doesn't necessarily do it in the other! Why? I'll tell you why: so that every time there is yet another useless update, they can turn all the data sharing options right the hell back on to steal your data. 
4. Speaking of updates, I am no longer allowed to opt-out? This means that at some point, my computer will have one update too many which will render it useless. This is done to milk even more money out of you. They don't want computers lasting 5 years. They want you buying one every second year. 
5. When you do buy that new computer, it'll be so full of bloatware from both Windows and the manufacturer that it won't run well until you clean it. Seriously, I don't want your Amazon app and I certainly don't want your OneDrive. 

Mac OS

I have never truly tried this operating system because its laptops are completely out of my price range. Also, I find the lack of fans on the devices a disturbing and terrifying idea. Then again, my phone doesn't have a fan either. In my opinion, Mac is the only serious competitor for Windows.

1. Obviously price is a big one. I just can't afford a Mac. I could possibly save up some money, so I better come up with more than just price. 
2. The main difference between Mac and Windows is the way they steal your data. Windows will openly do it, while Mac has it hidden. I'm not aware whether this can be avoided, my guess is probably, but it won't be there by default. 
3. Some nostalgic games don't run on Mac. This is changing though, so perhaps this argument is invalid. However, it is a lot harder to find pirated games for a Mac (not that I encourage that sort of behaviour). 

Linux (Mint, Ubuntu...)

Linux is nice. I like linux. It's free and most things work on it. It's usually fairly quick to load and doesn't have ridiculous bloatware. It does however have some serious drawbacks. 

1. Games. Say bye bye to most of your windows games because they just won't work on Linux no matter how hard you try.
2. Microsoft office. There are alternatives, but if your prof asks for a .docx file you better have a windows computer in the house to make sure the formatting isn't all screwed up. 
3. Citations. Mendeley and similar programs are not optimized for Linux. The plugins for easy citations do exist, but they are buggy and mostly ineffective.

Chrome OS and Android

I'm not going to lie, Google is pretty Big Brother-y. I definitely like the idea of having EVERYTHING run on a single operating system. I personally own a Chromebook, but I can hardly do anything productive on it. 

1. Still no real office. You don't get the full Office experience on Android. Just like on Linux there are alternatives, but you still need to make sure there are no compatibility issues. 
2. Google has, is and will be stealing your data. 
3. Bye bye ALL games. Just become a cellphone gamer... Ew. 
4. Still no easy citation manager. This technology is still in its infancy. 
5. If you code, or use R or do any kind of statistics, you can't.

This is still the most promising OS. Maybe in the future they will be able to dethrone Microsoft. For now, I'm going to go delete some processes and hope that won't screw up my computer. 

Why Don't I Like My Job?

Recently, the focus on of my sitting around at work has shifted from irritated boredom to an attempt to explain why I don't like my current job. After all, the two students around me seem to be doing just fine. Both of them are extending their contracts.

My initial thought was that I don't have the personality for this type of work. So I took multiple Big 5 Personality Traits tests and here were the results:

It appears that all the tests point to high conscientiousness and low agreeableness. This means that in theory I am highly organized and highly efficient while being low in friendliness and compassion. Now, let's take a look at my experiences.

The first thing I noticed was how slow and boring things were in the government. It was not uncommon for me to be assigned a fairly simple task for the entire day. For example, I was often asked to fill out a form and get a signature. At first, I would obviously fill out the form in 15 minutes (it's really not that hard) and then request more work. Their response time varied between 2 to 24 hours. I quickly learned that unless I want to spend my day doing meaningless tasks, I better use all of the time that has been allocated to me. Usually, I would complete the task within 15 minutes, and simply set a delay on the email. This allowed me to do other, more intellectually stimulating tasks like researching stocks and writing my thesis. Even the occasional chess game was more interesting than what they had to offer.

 From the first day, I felt some awkwardness and tension around the people in the office. I clearly did not belong in their green-life-ecology-student club. They were actually happy to be there. I was there to see if I like it, with massive doubts that an office job is for me. From my first day having lunch with them seemed forced. A week in I was labeled cynical. That's no surprise since I quickly understood that we are all replaceable and our tasks are quite repetitive in nature. My dark humor didn't help - it was mostly seen as shocking and highly unprofessional by these self-important imbeciles. After a month, I stopped going to the student events altogether because I could no longer take the moronic conversations about how they went berry-picking during the weekend and how they aspire to make a difference working for the government. These people try so hard to prove to each other that they are adults by discussing their living situations and asking about each other's work. If only they actually cared. Most of their conversations are just monologues with polite waiting periods while the other person is preaching.

I can only conclude that government workers are very agreeable since I have never seen them scold anyone and their entire conversations revolve around patting each other on the back for taking some time off. They are probably also fairly easy going, the myth of government doing mostly nothing all day is unfortunately true. I would argue that the inefficiency stems from the bureaucratic process that cannot be avoided. Those that stick around are those that are fine with very slow and procedural work.

Thankfully, I only have a week left to work here.  

Most of my Problems Stem from Boredom

I've learned a pretty valuable lesson working during my co-op. When I'm bored, I get into my head.

It's only during working hours (not working) that I can start second guessing my decision to do a Ph.D.. It's only during working hours that I can freely worry about the fact my professors (who are probably on summer vacation) aren't answering me. Over the course of 2 months, I've considered going on 3 diets, joining 2 gyms, purchasing $1000 worth of fitness equipment and making sure I did 10,000 steps every day.

Truth be told, I could probably get more work assigned to me if I just asked. I don't want to ask. When I ask, I get assigned the most meaningless tasks. "Fill out this form" or "fill out this excel spreadsheet". The most despicable job is writing a newsletter for the 3 people that will read it (I actually know who does) only to get it criticized week after week for its lack of "relevance in my news selection". The Russian saying инициатива тра***т инициатора applies like never before.

Because of that, my day usually looks something like this:
6:15 AM - Wake up.
6:20 AM - Still in bed because nobody will notice that I'm late.
7:30 AM - Arrived to the absolutely empty office, start doing Duolingo.
8:15 AM - Finish up Duolingo and mix up breakfast (I usually eat yogurt and instant oats).
8:30 AM - Eat breakfast while reading the news.
8:45 AM - Open up some documents so that I look busy as hell.
9:00 AM - This is where the boredom kicks in. Usually I'll play chess and go for short walks until lunch. Sometimes I'll do some random research online, or read Reddit.
12:00 PM - Lunch.
1:00 PM - At this point, I realize that I haven't done anything today, so I start doing the work that was assigned to me.
1:30 PM - I'm already bored of the work I'm doing, so I just remain idle, and play a few more games of chess.
2:00 PM - Coffee break. I usually go downstairs, but rarely actually get coffee.
2:30 PM - using the excuse of a very long line at the coffee shop, I finally get back to my desk. At this point, there is only 1 hour left, so I entertain myself on the Internet.
3:30 PM - I go home.
Some days really are different, when the team feels like assigning me more work. It's the summer, and most of the team is away on vacation so those days are rare. I wonder if they realize that I'm doing nothing.

I could be working hard on my Master's thesis, but the dullness of the office space and the general lack of motivation mixed with the guilt of doing nothing makes it impossible to do creative or quality work. Moreover the lack of responsiveness from professors is making it challenging to have a sense of direction in my work.

My situation really makes me wonder: "is this what office life is like?". Do all these people perform absolutely meaningless tasks all day, only to come home to prepare themselves for the next? Seems awful to imagine a life based on waiting for the next weekend or the next holiday. How can anyone in their right mind enjoy such a life? Is steady pay and possible comfortable retirement really worth it? I mean think about it, if all you do after work is get ready for the next day, complete house chores and degrade in front of the TV, you're actually working more than 40h/week. The only day you truly have at your disposal is Saturday (assuming you don't have children). Even so, can you truly disconnect from work on the weekend? Don't you at least think about it on Sunday when you realize you have to get up early again tomorrow? Most starting employees get 3 weeks off work for vacation and holidays. That means you get 1 day per week of work (49 weeks) plus 3 weeks of holidays - 70 days. 70 days out of 365. That's 20% of your life that you're free to dispose of as you please.

Frankly, the prospect of such a life is rather depressing to me. Perhaps it is because I've had it easy? I find myself rather lonely in my opinion. Everyone around me, including my girlfriend is thrilled at the idea of being employed and finally making money. They can't wait to leave university and begin their adult life. I've had a taste of it this summer, it's quite bitter. 

Poor Government Workers

I know what you're going to say: K., you're not allowed to complain, most students would dream of a job like yours. To that I say sure, but most students aren't very ambitious either. So here is what I find truly idiotic about my workplace:

1. The constant, never ending, limitless pride these people take in what they do.
Seriously, it's not even that impressive. Most people around me spend a solid 50% of their day on their phones. The other 50% is divided between getting lunch and coffee. The trick is to appear busy. If you appear busy and you over-inflate the value of the work you produce, you'll be able to get away with pretty much anything. These projects aren't even making a profit most of the time...

2. If you want a monkey that inputs data into a spreadsheet, hire a high schooler.
Unbelievable. Why did they hire a Masters student to input data from one PDF file to an excel spreadsheet. It doesn't take any stills to do this. In protest, I do it very, very slowly. It's also a good idea to hire a business analyst (as requested during the interview) and then not let him... business analyze things.

3. Who in his right mind would shove 3 people in a tiny room with no windows?
This is disgusting. There are plenty of empty cubicles that actually have natural lighting. Instead of making us feel like we are a member of the team, the students are shoved into this small closet-like office with no windows and 4 fluorescent lights. This inevitable leads to annoyance. From the girl behind me who just decided the desk reserved for my team should be hers to the guy to my left who told me about this for some reason, it is hard to stay calm when people are constantly looking at your screen.

4. Furniture from the 70s. Isn't the government embarrassed? 
Seriously look at this shit:

My desk is the one to the right. The cabinets come exactly to my eye level. They aren't even attached to the desk, so this could have been an easy fix... if only the people I work with would help me move this ridiculously heavy thing. Instead, they don't want the schlep. They would literally prefer me to have back pain than to help for 3 seconds. My manager was no different. When I approached her, she asked me how tall I was. Most people picture modern offices and high tech when they think of government work. The reality is outdated technology (Windows 7, Office 2010) and less than sub-par office space.

5. Screw your student meetings... and useless meetings in general... and your chain mail. 
Seriously, meetings for students every week? I can hardly believe it is someone's job to organize this. Why? We don't even get to communicate! These meetings are done so that other departments can show off their work to clueless students that might consider it an opportunity to work with them. And what about those "team update meetings" where you have to come up with something to tell your manager to give the impression that you're very busy doing important work? Why is this necessary? Also, for G-d's sake please get yourself a team chat. Outlook is not made for 1 sentence replies. The other day, the manager send out the following email to the entire team:

I mean, seriously? My inbox is full of messages like that.

Sometimes I wish they would just fire me. Then I remember how much paperwork I would have to do and how much explaining I'll engage in at my university that I just resort to waiting for this contract to be over. Never again, the looks of the office should have been a red flag during the interview.

The Case of a Lack of Interest Permanence

Now that I'm approaching the end of my Master's studies, I have a choice to make: either pursue an academic career and obtain a Ph.D. or attempt to find work (which would probably be for the government, a continuation of what I'm doing now).

Perhaps a bit of background is needed. After completing a bachelor in Business Tech, I have decided to start from scratch and pursue a Masters in Sustainable Energy Policy. Luckily (or unluckily), I had the opportunity to take part in the co-op program, where I landed a job at Crown Indigenous Relations Canada, in the department of sustainable energy.

Obviously the expectations of what student work would be in an office were low (remember the 9-5 agony post), but what I didn't account for was how quickly I would get to know the ins and outs of my team's operation. So I did what any reasonable business tech major would do: I found inefficiencies and mapped out a better solution. Little did I know that governmental bodies and the bureaucracy in general are pretty risk-averse and even more change-averse. My projects to revamp their database, create a new user interface and clean up their project list were quickly tossed aside and replaced with work more suitable to my degree (and my contract) - policy analysis. For those that don't know, policy analysis for co-op students is a fancy term for drafting emails, data entry, filling out forms and taking minutes during a meeting. You know, the type of stuff a monkey with a college degree in liberal arts can do. After only 3 weeks, it became clear to me that I do not belong in the policy world (at least not on the entry-level). At this point I think I would even prefer an entry-level IT job, the type where you walk around and plug in computers and fix printers to sitting in this dusty office that I share with 2 other students. At least I would be walking around and actually helping people.

So what's the problem? You don't like this office work, go do option 1. Sure, that's a great idea. There is a problem though, most scientists and researchers have a passion. A problem that they want to solve. A mission statement or at least a high level of interest in a matter to allows them to pursue a single topic for 5 years of a Ph.D. I do not have such a passion and quite frankly I never did. This would certainly explain why I changed degrees numerous times during my undergrad and why I decided to pursue a Masters in a completely unrelated field. When I look at my sister who is currently doing a Ph.D. I can see that she practically lives in the lab. Even when she comes to visit, most of the talking she does is about her lab, her work - her passion. In my attempt to find an equally strong passion for something, I've hit a brick wall. Sure, there are numerous things that I find interesting: languages, computer ethics, economics... But these are all surface interests that I have no trouble abandoning just as quickly as I pick them up. Every time I think I found a research topic, I start reading articles and I just give up.

This lack of passion makes me think I would do better in the sphere of public service (not as a co-op student, Gott forbid). I have been told that public servants are able to hop from one department to another. If that's true, that could be quite interesting. However, if I settle for such a career, I will be forever pursued by a feeling of inadequacy. I will become Mr. K., the guy who chickened out of Actuarial Math, Agricultural Economics, getting a Ph.D. and numerous other endeavors that I have never completed due to a lack of passion (persistence?). I hear the Canadian Security Intelligence services are hiring recent IT graduates... 

The Pre-Agony of the 9 to 5

I don't like working.
Well that's not true, I'm actually a pretty hard worker when I put my mind to it. What I don't like is to work on someone else's terms. In school, I would never seriously start assignments in class. Class and outside life was for socializing, not for work. Fast forward a couple of years, I'm in college still doing homework and assignments primarily at home. I just can't focus in class or in a library. Fast forward even further, I'm halfway through a Masters Degree, with a Co-op job lined up for the summer.

The more I think about my future employment, the more I dread it. Won't I feel trapped? The fact that I live so far away from work will force me to leave the house at 7:20 AM and to come back around 6:30 PM if I'm lucky. This is the fate of many of my friends and classmates. Why can't I just accept it? Why don't I want to conform? Further thinking about this has made me realize that many of my life choice were based on my desire to not work the typical office schedule. My decision to go to graduate school, my desire to become a professor, my decision to work as a TA/RA instead of getting a job outside of university.

I have no real motivation to do research or to become a scientist (I sometimes think I'm hardly curious or patient enough for such large endeavors). The only things that attract me in academia are teaching and a more or less flexible schedule. Now, I'm starting to wonder if these two elements are sufficient to motivate me to pursue a Ph.D. in the future. In order to obtain a flexible schedule and a job that involves teaching/training, I'm almost certain that I need not spend 6 years of my life researching a topic that hardly interests me. If I'm so fixated on becoming a teacher, perhaps a masters degree and work experience would be sufficient to teach at a college?

In any case, I shouldn't come to any conclusions before I actually try working an office job during the summer. Maybe I'll enjoy the fact that the weekends will truly belong to me. Sure, I'll have to put in more effort than now (I have a ridiculous amount of free time that I enjoy basically wasting, but that's a whole other story), but perhaps it'll be worth having 2 days every week during which I don't have to think of work at all, with no assignments or studying.