Special Greeting

I decided that I was going to violate the norm of hand-shaking, saying thank you and leaving a conversation. Instead of shaking hands, smiling, thanking verbally and excusing myself, I was going to give people a respectful bow the way it is done in Asian cultures.

The mere thought of this plan got me stressed out. I was also going to make sure not to talk to anyone that is of Asian origin so that they don’t think I was trying to mock them. From both my family and my friends, I was expecting laughter and questioning of my sanity. However, when it comes to the reactions of people I didn’t know, I was pretty sure there would be an awkward silence, followed by an avoidance of my gaze and both parties trying to escape the unusual situation.  While the stress of this “performance” in front of people was manageable, it was situations involving a certain degree of seriousness that worried me the most (I was supposed to visit a bank that day). Despite that, I decided to stick to the plan and carry out a full day of bowing.

The adventure started early in the morning when I decided to bow to my bus driver whom also thought it would be a good idea to start moving his vehicle at the same time. I almost fell as a result and I could feel my cheeks swell up with blood and a clear sensation of shame. I looked around worrisomely, hoping that nobody noticed. Luckily, the bus at 6:50AM is nearly empty. Upon my arrival to school, I saw my friends sitting at the table, I approached them and the closest one stretched his arm out to greet me. I bowed respectfully and the group of friends busted out in laughter. It was hard to keep a serious face and I ended up laughing too. That was certainly encouraging because I didn’t feel that they were laughing at me, I had the feeling that they were laughing with me. When I told them why I was doing it, they all decided to join me in my experiment. Nevertheless, during classes I made sure not to be greeted by teachers because I was too scared of their reaction to my special greeting. I even hesitated to go to the bank. The fact that my business there was rather urgent pushed me to go no matter what. When I walked up to the receptionist, she said “hello, how can I help you”. I bowed and then told her I needed to see my advisor. I could see her lips tighten up and her eyes looking away in discomfort. She clearly wasn’t allowed to laugh. She wouldn’t look at me directly anymore and vaguely pointed in the direction I needed to go. While bowing I was certainly concerned about what people would think of me; as an introvert, I don’t particularly enjoy being the center of attention of everyone present around me. But after seeing her reaction, I felt very much empowered by the effect this deviation from norms had on her. Still, I decided that was enough and I stopped the experiment there without including my family in it (they were still sleeping when I left the house).

Despite feeling pressured to stop the violation of norms and act normally, I would say that I enjoyed the experience. Especially with my friends, I thought bowing was a way to get out of the boring routine (not mentioning that it’s so much more hygienic than shaking everyone’s hand one after the other). If it weren’t for them, I pretty sure that I would be so pressured into conformity that I wouldn’t have carried out the experiment for so long. I believe that is because we feel vulnerable and fearful when excluded from out group by behaving differently. The fact that my friends didn’t exclude me or rudely pick on this behaviour made it fun.